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 Help With a Title? (And Feedback!)

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Adorkable Duckie
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Age : 23

PostSubject: Help With a Title? (And Feedback!)   Tue Apr 27, 2010 10:35 pm

I’m thinking about LA in the rain,
comatose sunbeams whispering through the droplets
pit-pattering onto the man-woven ground below.

Neon signs blinking as water thumps on their faces,
window wipers swishing, clearing the path for day
I’m thinking about LA in the rain.

The magic is hard to explain—water in such a greedy place,
life where life is bought, bribed, stolen
fear in amazement, the day to come.

A prostitute may lie behind those doors
eyes rolled white, wrists cut red
a fallen blonde wig standing on the floor…

I’m thinking about LA in the rain,
girls shrieking
the pings of slot machines.

Elvis flips his hair and we all become drunk,
intoxicated by the scent of coffee and orange
protruding from polyester-fringed pants and oily hair products.
I’m thinking about LA in the rain.
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Ink Muse
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Age : 24
Location : Hopefully not in school...

PostSubject: Re: Help With a Title? (And Feedback!)   Tue Apr 27, 2010 10:49 pm

I really like this poem! Maybe a good title could be... Glutton's Forecast? Nah, that's a pretty bad title..
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PostSubject: Re: Help With a Title? (And Feedback!)   Tue Apr 27, 2010 10:52 pm

Lol, thanks for trying, I appreciate it =]
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Ink Muse
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PostSubject: Re: Help With a Title? (And Feedback!)   Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:29 pm

No problem xD I'll let you know if this brain of mine spits out any more random ideas.. though I can't promise they'll be good. xP
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PostSubject: Re: Help With a Title? (And Feedback!)   Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:33 pm

Ideas are ideas. Good or bad, they're all welcome xD
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