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 A Poem~<3

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Adorkable Duckie
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PostSubject: A Poem~<3   Sat Apr 10, 2010 2:51 am

Here's a poem I just made yesterday that I'm gonna hand in to my creative writing class. And yes, the title is a made up word (yay for creative license!). Whatcha think?

Maneless.

If a cat can roar
A cat can bite
A cat can claw your eyes
Then why is the cat
Running up the tree
So timid that she hides?

Why is she
The one who’s seen
As scared to face her mess?
The dog that’s barking
Down below
Couldn’t handle her finesse.

She could easily face him
With words or with claws,
But hiding in a tree is
According to our laws

Of tidy painted faces
With plastic red lips
Accented ocean eyes
And brushed nail tips.

Stating that she
Who isn’t to be named
Must conform to be
A dame without a mane.
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Lady Lullaby
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PostSubject: Re: A Poem~<3   Mon Apr 12, 2010 4:21 pm

I LIKES IT~!
FROM NOW ON I SHALL CALL; YOU DUCKIE-CHAN!!!!!
You know you loves it <.<
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Adorkable Duckie
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PostSubject: Re: A Poem~<3   Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:02 pm

Lol, sure, whatever ^^;. I was kinda hoping for feedback, but okay
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Lady Lullaby
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PostSubject: Re: A Poem~<3   Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:37 pm

Sorry I've just been hyper.
For feedback though, the third stanza seems a bit off because you immediately change from the cat to a woman, or so I believe. Maybe a stanza in between to show that the feline is the female? I think it would just help it flow.. though it already flows nicely.
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Adorkable Duckie
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PostSubject: Re: A Poem~<3   Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:39 pm

You know, I just might edit it that way! Thanks! I love you
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Lady Lullaby
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PostSubject: Re: A Poem~<3   Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:40 pm

Anytime Duckie-Chan!!!!
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Ink Muse
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PostSubject: Re: A Poem~<3   Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:52 pm

Very interesting, I love your comparisons (and use of creative license xD) I'm too tired to give any helpful feedback, but keep up the good work!
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